I decided to try writting a diary to help me be better @ expressing myself, which doesn’t look like it’s working well now cuz I keep having trouble thinking o what words to use. But that’s OK, sense I guess “custom makes calaber”, or howe’er that saying goes. Autumn did say that I could change to be a better person. I hope she’s right.
Anyway, ¡I wanted to write specially now cuz o’ the excitting day I had! I still can’t believe it! I ne’er thought I’d be able to work anywhere, having no skills @ all, ¡but I was able to get one! Aparently the owner o some place called Kat Insurance was looking for a mascot & said he was impressed by my “cat costume”. I tried telling him that it isn’t a costume, but he seamed to still think it is.
I was fraid I couldn’t do the job & would be fired soon, but I was able to do it it turns out. All I had to do was hold this sign up in front o the building. ’Twas awfully cold outside & holding that sign up for hours did feel kinda tiring, but I can probly take a coat tommorrow &, anyway, as I heard Autumn say, “no misery, no victory”, or something like that. I bet if I do it for a while my arms might get stronger & it won’t be as tiring. Honestlly, I was so excitted today bout actually getting a job that I hardlly e’en noticed, anyway. I know it’s not the hardest job in the world, but it’s still nice to be useful for once. I probly shouldn’t say stuff like that tho cuz Dawn says I should think positivelly.
Anyway, n ( I need to stop writting this so much ) Not much happened during most o the day, cept me standing round holding the sign & looking round @ the city. It really is beutiful ( I hope that’s how you spell it. I need to get myself a dictionery, cuz I’m not that good @ spelling. ), specially all o the colorful cars that drive by in many different shapes. When it got darker, my boss, Sir Wednesday, said I was done & could go home. That was awfully nice o him, considering he could o expected me to know when to go home & do that myself, sense I should o known already. Anyway, I got back to Dawn’s & told her the good news. Unfortunatly, I accidentlly forgot to tell her when I 1st got the job, which was probly rude o me, & she said she was worried bout me. I probly shouldn’t be thinking this kinda thing, but I don’t know why Dawn doesn’t spend her time worrying bout people who deserve it mo. E’en with my new job ( which really isn’t that amazing, anyway ) I still can’t see myself really being the kind o person who makes good use o it. Someone who’s great. O well, I probly shouldn’t write bout this kinda thing.
Well, that’s all I have to say for today. I’ve written quite alot. I usualy don’t write that much, sense I don’t have much to say ( aleast not anything very smart ), but Dawn told me I should do it to help me express myself mo. She said I shouldn’t do it e’ery day, tho, cuz it might get tiring, just when something important happens, like today with this new job, which I’ll try to do.
Anyway, this entry’s getting rammbly, so I’ll just end this here. As you can see ( as if anyone else will e’er want to read this ) I’m not very good @ writting, but hopefully I’ll get better @ this as I keep doing it too.
Today I met a really nice woman named Violet Ajambo ( sorry if I didn’t spell that right. It sounds so beuatiful ) who was really pretty & smart, so smart that I couldnt understand what she was saying, cept that twas in a polite voice & that she invitted me to eat @ her table, e’en tho I’m just a sign holder person & she’s in college. That was 1 o the big words she used that I understood, “Boskeopolis Univercity”. That’s the same place Dawn said she went to. I asked Dawn if she knew Violet, but she said no & that there are so many people @ that place that nobody could know e’eryone there.
I didn’t really say much to Violet, cuz I was fraid I’d just say something stupid, which I shouldnt think, but I cant help thinking, & anyway, Violet seamed to be pleased to keep talking herself & using all those amazing words she learned in college & I enjoyed hearing her talk all lunch break, so twas fine hopefully. I admitted to Dawn that I’m fraid if Violet is round me too much & learns too much bout me that she wouldnt want to eat lunch with me, but Dawn said nice things bout me as she allways did. Autumn was also there & told me that I should consider it a good thing if someone doesnt want to eat with me anymo cuz people ne’er have anything interesting to say. But thats cuz Autumn’s so smart that nothing she hears sounds new, ¿but what bout me? I told Dawn “¿what if Violet no longer finds me interesting?” & Autumn said, “I doubt that will happen”. Dawn kept telling Autumn to stop picking on me, which I didnt get, since Autumn was being really nice to me as allways, but sense Dawn was lathing ( sorry if I spelt that wrong ), I think she was just joking, but I still didnt get the joke. O well. I felt really confortable with them, which I’ve ne’er felt with other people, which made me feel kinda sad when e’eryone went to sleep. But aleast it gives me time to write these diary entries. ¡Good night!
For my 1st weekend I read some o’ my books to study them sorta to study how they spelt words to improve my own spelling, since I know it’s not very good, as well as learn mo’ words, since my vocabulary isn’t very good, either. I created a list on a piece o’ paper o’ words I didn’t already know & the spellings for words I wasn’t good @ spelling. I read simple books I read when I was a teenager, so most o’ the words I knew, but oft forget when trying to write.
Someday I should go to a library somewhere & check out a dictionery so I can look up these words & harder words & maybe look up words I know but don’t remember how to spell right. But I don’t think now would be a good time to do that, since I would have to figure out a lot o’ complicated things like where a library is or how I would get there, which I’m sure smarter people would find simple to do, but not for me. Dawn told me to pase ( ¿? ) myself, after all.
When I’d done a few hours o’ that I practiced drawing some pictures, which is something I used to do all the time when I was younger. It’s weird ( I had to ask Dawn to make sure I was right in remembering this 1 being spelt, well, weird ) to remember this, but I remember a couple schoolmates years ago saying I drew pretty well, which is surprising. They might’ve been just being nice. Anyway, Autumn told me opinions were “meer oxygen dipleted to create nothing concrete”, or something like that, which I can tell is definately true, tho I wouldn’t have been able to come up with something like that myself.
O’erall this day was very nice. & the best part was that I was able to keep myself busy for so much o’ it that I didn’t have time to worry bout doing something bad or wastefull. Autumn had told me that bussying myself with doing things was a good way to block out thoughts that she said didn’t e’en so much as create “car bomb die ox hide”, or something. I’m sure I got that wrong & it’s a fancy word I don’t know. Unfortunatly, I was too fraid o being annoyingly stupid to ask Autumn what it was. Anyway, she was right ’gain & I actually look forward to doing mo’ reading & drawing tommorrow, & going back to work & meeting Violet ’gain the day after, which is rare.
I only hope Please ignore this, it’s nothing.
I couldn’t wait any longer, so I ended up going to the library today, which I’m surprised I was able to do without getting lost fore’er. Luckily, Dawn let me borrow her phone for a second so I could write down a map there from here. She was extra nice nough to offer to go with me, but I told her I could do it by myself & that she didn’t need to interrupt her work, & then she told me to be safe, which I think I did. It was a nice gray day today, too, which is surprising for May, which is usually sunny.
The library was 1 o’ those buildings that looks like a school with lots o’ complicated extra boxes & the roofs jutting down @ an angle
& stuff. It also had plenty o’ trees & that bark stuff round them, like in schools. I wonder why they always have bark chips e’erywhere. I should ask Dawn sometime.
I was so excited ’bout making it here that I did a lot mo’ than just get a dictionary ( which still required me to pick which 1, which was a hard choice itself ). As I looked round, I also found a “thesaurus”, which I heard ’bout before, mainly cause it has a name that sounds like a dinosaur for some reason. Looking into it I found out it’s for easily finding words like other words, which should help me not use the same simplistic words all the time. I also checked out some books in the “young adult” section, which I’ve ne’er read from before, as a way to challenge how much I’ve been learning how to read.
It’s weird thinking o’ myself as an “adult”. Then ’gain, it’s weird thinking o’ myself as anything.
Anyway, hopefully the dictionary will help if I run into words I don’t know or remember very well, or just to check, since there’s a lot o’ words I feel like I kinda know, but I’m not sure & am probably wrong.
After I got so many books that I wouldn’t be able to carry anymo’ home ( if I come ’gain, I should make sure I bring a bag or backpack ) I started home ’gain, which was much mo’ tiring, since I got too many books, but I was able to do it, surprisingly, & I quickly forgot ’bout it, since I was so excited to start reading 1 o’ my new books. This 1 was ’bout some ordinary guy who is led thru sewers by a mysterious kid & enters a magical world where faeries ( that’s how the book spelled that word, & the dictionary said that’s how they spell it in England all the way in Europe, so it must be the smarter way to spell it ) hide. Unfortunately, I was so enthralled ( you can tell I needed the thesaurus to give me that 1 ) with reading that I ne’er took the time to practice drawing, which I should do, since I’m getting mossy @ it, & I’m much better @ it than writing, so it’d probably be good to work on it so I could maybe become really good @ it.
O well. I can always practice that mo’ tomorrow after work.
Today I tried an experiment where I looked up the super smart words Violet said during lunch in the dictionary I borrowed. Unfortunately, Violet said so many smart words that I could only find 1 in the time she said ’bout 2 sentences or mo’, which wasn’t helped by the fact that these words, being so complicated, were hard to find just by the sound o’ them, & the fact that I had to respond to her, since just sitting there flipping thru a book while someone’s trying to talk to you is rude. Still, there are only a limited # o’ words ( this dictionary doesn’t have infinite pages, after all ) so I’ll ’ventually have to learn them all. I just have to make sure I don’t forget them all right after. I didn’t think to bring paper & a pencil with me, which I should do, since you ne’er know when you have something you might want to write down. Anyway, I couldn’t write any the words I looked up & couldn’t write in the dictionary, since it’s the library’s ( tho someone did highlight parts o’ the faery book with pink highlighter, which is actually helpful, since it tells me what parts are important & I should pay mo’ attention to ) so I just had to remember them & wrote them down when I got home. But I’ve made sure to put paper & some pencils in my backpack which Dawn was super nice nough to let me have for tomorrow.
The 1st word I looked up that she said was “salutations”, which the dictionary tells me is a smart way to say “hello”. I actually think I remember that from some cartoon with a spider & a pig, but don’t remember.
The next word I looked up, which I had to ask Violet to repeat, since it slipped by me as I tried to look up “salutations”, was “lacuna”, which means “break” or “pause”. I thought Violet was probably asking me ’bout how my weekend went, so I just nodded & said, “Good”.
The next word she used was “eluded”, which I found means something close to “avoided”. While looking back & forth ’tween her & my dictionary, I noticed she was pointing @ it. I knew I wouldn’t be smart nough to pretend, so I just honestly said I was looking up the words she was saying. Luckily, I could tell by the tone she used when she replied that she wasn’t angry ’bout it, but in fact, seemed to think ’twas a very good thing to do. The strangest part was that I heard her say “apologies” & “mine” with some complicated words that rushed past me, but I told her it wasn’t her fault I was “held back”, as Dawn nicely called it, & told her that, ’sides, I’ll ’ventually learn all these words… I think. She seemed happy ’bout this, too, e’en tho, I thought it might sound like it would be a lot o’ boring questions she would have to deal with. I asked her ’bout this & she said many complicated words, but from the way she put emphasis on certain words, I thought I could tell which words were the most important. The 2 I thought were most important that I heard were “aspiration”, which I thought I’d heard before & found meant one’s dream, which sounded somewhat familiar, like 1 o’ those words I oft hear but forget the meaning, & then the next word, “pedagogue”, which I’d ne’er heard before in my life, but the dictionary told me was a super smart way to say “teacher”. ¡So Violet wants to be a teacher when she’d older! That makes a lot o’ sense, since she’s so smart. & she said something ’bout doing something with experience before that, so maybe she was planning to teach me to gain experience or something. ¡That would be super neat, to be her 1st student!
I asked her what she did here there & she told me she was a copier, editor, & “social media manager”, which was apparently where you made a bunch o’ “posts” to social media places like Eye Tome, which I’d heard before, but ne’er seen myself, & some websites called “Chipr” & “Simulacrowd” ( which Dawn later told me when I told her ’bout this are spelled this way ). I asked her if these were like journal entries, & she said that was an “approximation”, which is something that is close. Something special ’bout them is they include “illustrations”, which I didn’t need to look up, but only had to concentrate & think for a while to remember meant pictures.
I didn’t learn any mo’ words from her then, cause our lunch break ended just after that. I’m surprised I was able to remember all these words still, but they all had memorable things around them, so maybe that was why. Tomorrow I’ll remember to bring some paper & pens so I can write them down, specially since I’ll probably have to go o’er many o’ these words lots o’ times to keep them remembered.
The rest o’ my work day was mostly just standing round outside holding a sign & greeting people who come by or e’en just walk by. Dawn says it takes a lot o’ strength, but it doesn’t feel very strong, to not ask if people would be annoyed @ me greeting them. My boss specifically told me how important ’twas that I smile & be friendly, which maybe made it a li’l less annoying. Luckily, no one’s complained @ me yet, & a few e’en seemed happy by my greeting them for some reason. ¡1 person e’en said my costume looked “very real”! Which is funny, ¿cause I guess it isn’t a costume? Dawn, Autumn, & Edgar keep insisting that it isn’t, which is weird, since e’eryone when I was young insisted ’twas. ¿But how did they get the tail part off? ¿Was that just the costume part & the rest real?
I enjoy being able to spend hours watching the sky & all the tall buildings with so many bricks & windows & li’l details & the trees next to them with e’en mo’ leaves, but I have to admit I’m oft distracted by the many ways I could mess something up & cause somebody harm or get fired & possibly make it so that nobody will e’er want to hire me ’gain. I tried telling Dawn, since I’m not good @ splaining myself, that I may be able to concentrate on not messing up something now, if I do well after a while I’ll let my guard down & then suddenly miss something. But then Dawn told me they probably won’t fire me if I only mess something up very rarely & Autumn said that the people @ the McCheesy’s she sometimes buys dinner from mess up her order e’ery time & that someone as obedient as me is less likely to be fired than somebody doing “whippits” ( I asked Autumn what this is, but Dawn told me I didn’t need to know, so I’m guessing it must be bad ) in the bathroom all day ( which only made me feel bad ’bout possibly making that other person get fired ’stead o’ me, but I didn’t tell them this ). Luckily, so far my boss has only been cheerful with me, tho that might just be him being nice & he may lose patience later.
For most o’ the night after work, not including eating dinner or telling Dawn & Autumn & Edgar ’bout some o’ the stuff that happened today, I read for an hour from that book I’ve been reading & practiced drawing for an hour or 2.
Tho I’m still only able to look up 1 in 20 o’ the super smart words she uses, I think I’m getting better @ understanding what Violet says by the way she says them. Today I could tell when she asked me how looking up words was going, e’en after only looking up “lexicon”, which apparently means the words you know… or aleast that’s the definition that most fit how she used it. This is a lot trickier with how many words have many different definitions. I told her ’twas going better & then asked her how her job was going with making posts, like how she knows what to write or what pictures to put in posts. I asked her if they let her do whate’er she wanted or if they had rules she had to follow. She told me that they had certain rules ’bout what was “on-brand” or not that she had to follow. For instance, for “email blasts”, which are apparently emails that they send to thousands o’ people on a sign-up list, they have to use certain “corporate”-made pictures & there are certain posts she’s s’posed to make @ the right time, like having a lot o’ posts & stuff ’bout house insurance round August, since a lot o’ people move round then cause o’ kids going to different schools. These rules sounded way mo’ complicated than what I have to follow holding my sign & greeting people & I would probably ne’er be able to follow them all for so long. I can see why she has such a good memory for words.
I asked her how she got the job in the 1st place & she said an ol’ friend @ college referred her.
Then Violet asked me something ’bout being “sweltering”, which means really hot, & asked her what some o’ the other words meant to find she was asking me if I was hot wearing this “costume” e’en during lunch, & then I froze up, cause I wasn’t sure if I should try telling her it isn’t a costume, or that that’s what Dawn & Autumn say, but freezing up only made Violet ask me mo’ questions that I had to struggle to figure out. After that, she became apologetic, which was odd, since I was the one who rudely stopped talking, & I was already starting to wonder if I was messing something up by the time lunch ended soon after. Thinking ’bout it now, I probably should’ve just told her this isn’t a costume, since ’twould be rude to keep that from her for so long, so I’ll just do that tomorrow.
It’s a good thing I’ve gotten used to disappointing people. I’m actually surprised this didn’t feel as much o’ a failure as a lot o’ the mo’ minor things I’ve done earlier in life.
& surprisingly, this didn’t get in the way o’ me reading & practicing drawing tonight as it usually did before.
Today, the 1st thing I told Violet during lunch was that I wasn’t wearing a costume, which @ 1st confused her. I told her that nobody else believed it, either, for the longest time, but that super smart friends I have insisted that ’twas true & that she could ask them if she wanted proof from people who are way smarter than me. She asked me if I was “authentically feline”, which sounded very weird, specially since I actually already knew what those words meant. Anyway, all I could tell her was that I wasn’t sure. To be honest, I haven’t thought ’bout it much till now. I asked Dawn ’bout it when I came home & she told me ’twas better that I don’t worry ’bout it any mo’ than Edgar worries ’bout being a skeleton. Which makes me wonder if Violet was super apologetic ’bout asking ’bout it ’gain, but I told her that she had nothing to apologize ’bout. I was going to add that I should’ve been the one to apologize, ’cept I’ve been told that apologizing too much is actually annoying, & then I realized that Violet apologizing a lot wasn’t annoying @ all but did make me uncomfortable, like I was being rude just expecting an apology e’en tho I wasn’t expecting 1. So maybe that’s why people find too many apologies annoying.
Anyway, I felt much better after lunch than yesterday, so hopefully that was me worrying o’er nothing. I just have to worry ’bout her asking ’bout mo’ serious stuff ’bout me...
Today during lunch Violet showed me mo’ o’ the neat posting stuff she does, & showed me some o’ the posts she made, which looked super cool, specially the “vintage” posts, as she called them, with the ol’-cartoon look to them that were apparently popular. My favorite was the 1 that showed the sad piggie bank with the sad boy in front o’ it with a hammer & text that said something like, “Don’t hit the piggie, we have insurance”, or something that doesn’t sound as dumb as that.
I asked her if she wanted to teach this stuff when she’s older, & she said she wanted to teach studying literary classics like Shakespeare & all the stuff he crams into his work, like “tone”, “theme”, “meter”, & “symbolism”, & then I asked her what those are, & e’en after she splained to me, I’m still don’t think I understand. What I did understand, & what surprised me, was that she told me after I told her I’m sure she’d make a great writer cause she uses such huge words, she told me that big words don’t always make the best “prose” ( that’s apparently “regular writing”, or writing that isn’t poetry ), that it depends on what kind o’ “tone” the “work” is s’posed to have & that in some causes it’s apparently better to use smaller, simpler words.
Looking @ all the stuff she knows ’bout literature, I’m sure she’ll ventually be an amazing literary teacher.
Actually, the weird thing is Violet apologized ’gain for asking me ’bout the costume thing the day before yesterday & told me that her “proclivity toward loquaciousness”, which means tendency ( which means doing something a lot ) for talking a lot, which was apparently a “vexation” to a lot o’ people, which is something that’s very annoying, & I was confused & saddened by this. I asked Violet how anyone could get annoyed hearing ’bout posts ’bout piggie banks & what “symbolism” is, & she told me that she “surmised” a lot o’ people don’t like having to look up all the words she says like me, or something. I told her I didn’t think I could e’er get bored o’ looking up rare words & that, ’sides, I’d need to learn them, anyway, if I’m to learn all o’ English. She seemed shocked by this & told me that e’en she didn’t know e’ery English word & that she didn’t think anyone did, specially with so many people just making up words out o’ nowhere that it’s apparently hard to know what words count or not. Still, I told her I should still learn as many words as I can, which made her smile & say that that was a good attitude to take, which was nice o’ her to say.
Probably cause o’ what she said here, I decided to take an extra half hour tonight just reading thru the dictionary & thesaurus, trying to learn mo’ aberrant new words, like “aberrant”, which means weird. I like doing all this stuff like looking up words or reading or practicing drawing, but it can be hard to break up my nights o’er so many fun things. I guess my weekend after tomorrow will give me a lot mo’ time. I can’t believe how fast time goes when I’m doing all this busy stuff. I ne’er e’en paid attention to time before cause I ne’er really did anything.
I just hope I’m not
Today Violet asked me if I would go on a trip with her to visit her family, ¡which amazed me! She said she didn’t like going on bottle ships ( which sounded like a super cool kind o’ ship ) ’lone cause they could be dangerous, & then apologized for asking me to “imperil”, which means “threaten”, my livelihood, but I told her I didn’t mind dangerous stuff cause… & then I stopped cause I realized it wasn’t good to say my life isn’t worth much anymo’. So I just continued by saying that I’ve gotten into danger a lot o’ times & it ne’er killed me, which is true, cause I literally can’t die for some reason, which I still think is unfair to the people who do die & are probably much mo’ saddened by it than I am. It makes me try to make my life as useful as possible, e’en tho it feels impossible, cause it feels rude to those other people if I waste it.
To be honest, I don’t really remember what else we talked ’bout, cause I was too busy thinking ’bout this exciting bottle trip tomorrow. I just hope
Tonight I asked Dawn ’bout what they’re like & she said they were cool & were literal giant bottles you rode inside thru the seas. She also said she didn’t know why Boskeopolis used these ’stead o’ regular boats other than that they were popular with customers. I could see why, since they sounded cool.
I’m not sure how to feel ’bout how today went. I liked most o’ the bottle ship trip till it hit an iceberg & crashed, which made me worry that I did something wrong ’gain. I can’t swim, so I was thinking I might actually die today, but then I found a wooden board to hold onto. Honestly, it feels weird, trying to avoid dying, but I didn’t want to ruin Violet’s family trip.
When I found Violet back on land, she was super upset & apologized a lot, for both the ship wrecking & the weird guy in a top hat that I remember seeing a few times fighting with Autumn, such as just a few months ago, actually. Anyhow, I told her it wasn’t her fault an iceberg hit our ship, & that ’twas probably my fault, since that man always seems to fight with people when I’m round for some reason, & that it wasn’t like there was anything she could do ’bout it, which felt weird, since that sounds like something Dawn would say to me ’bout something. She asked me how I knew someone like Lance Chamsby, which is apparently his name, & I told her ’bout Autumn & how he fought with her a lot back when I was @ this haunted house last year & a couple months ago ( tho I didn’t tell her ’bout all the other stuff I did round then, for obvious reasons ). She asked me why Lance fought with Autumn so much & asked whether Autumn had a red ponytail ( 1 o’ the few times Violet used normal words ), & when I said yes, she had that look o’ surprise & annoyance that Autumn has a lot & Violet said she expressed sympathy for Autumn, an ordinary person being dragged into “divisive accusatory politics”, which I, ’course, didn’t know &, when I asked Violet, she told me ’twas better I didn’t know. She then told me that despite his “indiscretions”, she still thought Herbert Sunday, who is apparently the mayor, was the best person for the job & that people apparently underrated the stuff he did to “reduce poverty”, which is apparently making poor people less poor, which does sound like a nice thing to do, using something called “tax credits”, which I didn’t e’en bother asking ’bout, since I knew I had no hope o’ understanding it. She said she planned to “vote” for him & when I asked her what that is she was surprised & told me ’twas an important part o’ “democracy”, which I fuzzily remember hearing ’bout back in school when reading this book ’bout a farm run by pigs, which is weird, since I don’t remember any scene ’bout anyone voting, tho I do remember this very sad scene when this horse gets turned into glue. She asked me if I e’er voted & when I told her I could ne’er vote ’cause I don’t know any o’ this stuff she told me that e’eryone ’bove the age o’ 18 can & should vote. I asked her what if I voted wrong & messed something up ( which I know I shouldn’t be saying ), but she told me there was no wrong way to vote & that the “representative system”, which is apparently a very complex thing that protects people, would ensure only experts make the direct decisions & that people only voted for which experts, which relieved me a lot. I asked Violet if she was a “representative”, since she was clearly an expert, & she, o’ all things, blushed & insisted she wasn’t an expert, which surprised me. Herbert Sunday & Lance Chamsby must be unimaginably brilliant if they’re e’en smarter than Violet, who’s the smartest person I’ve e’er met. It’s no wonder Chamsby’s able to be a danger to Autumn, who seems invinsible.
Sadly, we were ne’er able to make it to Violet’s family’s cause o’ the ship crash, since the rescue boats brought us back to Boskeopolis & Violet said she wasn’t feeling like riding the bottle ship ’gain, nor could she be “impertinent”, which means asking for mo’ than you should, as to ask me to go thru ’nother “traumatic episode”, which is something that makes you feel very upset, like Violet was. I wanted to tell Violet that I didn’t mind the crash @ all, but I knew Violet did mind it a lot, so I didn’t say anything.
So she apologized some mo’, which made me feel awkward, I told her ’twas OK, & then she offered to help me home. I told her she didn’t have to bother herself, e’en tho I was realizing then that I was in a totally different part o’ Boskeopolis & didn’t know where I was, nor did I have a fancy phone that could look @ map apps & stuff, but just a basic phone that can call people, cause I got it for free from the government, which was super nice o’ them. I started to worry that I might not make it home in time to go to work on Monday & might get in trouble & get fired. Luckily, I’ve wandered all o’er the whole city back during the long while I was homeless so I didn’t intrude on anyone too long, so I was sort o’ familiar with this place & knew, aleast, that I was near the western part, where there’s a lot o’ water, & knew Dawn’s house was farther to the east, near where the forest is. Since I knew east was the other way from the water, I just went ’way from the water. ’Twas a super long walk & I had to take breaks a lot, but I did get to see a lot o’ cool places I ne’er paid as much attention to before since. I got to see the really big city in the middle o’ Boskeopolis where the buildings go so high they probably touch the clouds. It actually reminded me o’ 1 time I was here & climbed up to the top o’ a super tall building, which was super scary back when I did it, cause I was sure somebody would catch me doing it & get angry @ me. Ne’ertheless, ’twas a super nice view, where you could see so many buildings below & the people looked like tiny dots down on the streets, which you could see snaking round in long patterns like really long rope. It actually looked so nice that, as silly as it sounds, I became fraid to lose it & couldn’t do what I went up there to do in the 1st place, which was jump off, which, I guess is a good thing I didn’t, since it probably wouldn’t have done anything but inconvenience people, maybe e’en land on someone & kill them stead. I don’t remember how I ventually stopped looking down on the streets & ended up where I am now, but if I had to guess, I probably got fraid o’ being caught up there & probably went back down & felt bad after that.
Someday, I should go up on 1 o’ those buildings, without planning to jump ’course. Maybe I could show Dawn or Autumn or Violet, if they didn’t find it too silly
But @ the time I was too worried ’bout getting home in time to not miss work, so I just kept going thru the big city & then thru the part east o’ it. I had no idea where to go from there, so I just went in 1 direction & hoped I was lucky, knowing I could just go back in the other direction if it didn’t work. Luckily, I remembered the “district” we live in, which is Whitewood, & I remembered that that’s nearer to the north, so I went northward & ventually I found a highway I recognized & just walked down it to the street my bus always goes down & went down the streets my bus usually went down but backward till I found Dawn’s house ’gain.
I was very tired when I got back, but luckily I got o’er that quickly. Dawn asked me how my trip went & I told her what happened. She looked surprised & was nice nough to say ’twas good I made it back OK, e’en tho Violet was the 1 mo’ upset by it, & said I could’ve called her for help getting back, e’en tho I made it back fine & I don’t think Dawn could’ve done anything without a car ( aleast I’ve ne’er seen her with a car or any round ), but I didn’t say this, cause it’d be rude, so I just apologized for not thinking ’bout it.
The rest o’ the day I just spent reading & practicing drawing. I don’t think I’m as good @ drawing as I was before, but I do seem to be getting less bad @ it. I hope I’m getting better @ writing with all the reading I’ve been doing, but I keep forgetting words I learn, so I had to write them down so I can look o’er them ’gain. The problem is, there are so many words that these sheets are almost becoming books themselves. Dawn said it’d be easier if I highlighted them in the dictionary, but I told her ’twas a library book. Which reminds me that I have to find that paper they gave me that says when I have to return them & make sure I return them, as I don’t want to get into trouble & maybe not be able to check out books anymo’ cause I didn’t return them in time.
¡Today I got my 1st pay check! To be honest, I felt kinda weird taking it, since I didn’t feel like I did much to deserve it, but I think that ’bout e’erything & e’eryone tells me I’m wrong, so I’m probably wrong here, too. Either way, I could give this money to help Dawn pay for food or electricity & all that stuff.
Not much else happened that day. Part o what made me feel like I probably didn’t deserve the paycheck today was that I think I might’ve screwed up my job holding the sign today, cause 1 person gave me a super angry look & raised their middle finger @ me. Howe’er, when I told Violet ’bout this during lunch, she told me that the person was probably “disgruntled” ( that means “grumpy” ) @ the company cause they probably disputed an insurance claim o hers & not @ me.
I know Dawn tells me not to worry ’bout things, but today I’m dealing with maybe 1 o’ the most difficult decisions I’ve e’er had to deal with. Today @ work, Violet asked me where I lived & if I lived with anyone, being super apologetic ’bout it for some reason. When I told her ’bout Dawn being nice nough to let me live with her, she asked if ’twas “transitory”, which means “not fore’er”. I told her that I didn’t know, but that it’d probably be rude to keep taking up Dawn’s space fore’er, so I told her probably. Then, ¡beyond all belief ( that’s a neat phrase I read in 1 o’ the other books I checked out, a sci-fi book ’bout someone exploring a planet made out o’ woodlife, which is trees & wood & stuff ) Violet asked me if I wanted to move in with her! I asked her why she would want me to &, going gainst what Dawn usually told me to do, since this was very important, I warned her that I would probably get annoying after a while. But Violet told me that her current roommate has a dog that barks all night, so I couldn’t possibly be worse. She said that this roommate was moving out, which would be hard on Violet’s “budget”, which is e’erything you need to pay for e’ery month when you’re a serious adult, since she would have to pay twice what she usually pays. I told her I could help her pay the other half without moving in, but then Violet looked alarmed & quickly said that I didn’t need to worry ’bout it & it wasn’t a big deal, but the way Violet looked super stressed made me think I said something wrong. Tonight I asked Dawn & Autumn ’bout it & Dawn was super exciting ’bout it & said I should definitely move in with Violet, but Autumn questioned Dawn on this & said Violet might “take advantage” o’ me. I asked her what that meant, & she said it’s when someone uses you to get things. I asked her, wasn’t it good to be useful for once, worried that I’ve been doing the wrong thing for weeks, but Autumn told me it’s good to be useful for “oneself”, but not only for other people. Then Dawn said I should ask Violet if she could come o’er & meet Dawn & Autumn. I said I’ll try to remember to. But to be honest, I’m nervous ’bout doing it, ¿cause what if Violet & Dawn & Autumn don’t get long? But if I don’t ask Violet, I know they’ll find out & be disappointed & maybe not want to be round me anymo’, & ’sides, I won’t know whether to move in with Violet or not, & Violet seemed disappointed by me not answering her yet, so this is probably the only way to fix my mess up & make up for it.
The worst thing is that worrying ’bout all this makes it hard to concentrate on practicing reading & drawing, which just makes me e’en worse @ them, which only makes it harder to e’en bother to practice, & I feel so frustrated by my head being unable to do things right, no matter how much I try that I want to. But Dawn tells me I should think o’ silly things when this happens to take my mind off it, which is actually pretty easy thanks to that 1 song Autumn said is her “theme song” when she came inside while Dawn was playing it for me when I told her ’bout this ’bout some other guy who can’t think right & gets “institutionalized”, which is being put in a “mental hospital”, which is a hospital for brain problems, like I have, which makes me wonder why I haven’t been taken to 1 yet. Maybe it costs money. If so, I hope you’re aloud to drink soda there, like the singer wants throughout the song, cause I really hope he gets a good ending & doesn’t get hit by that car like he fears @ the end o’ the song.
It’s amazing how much easier that’s made not trying to kill myself. It’s funny, cause it doesn’t make me less useless, just mo’ OK with being useless. I’ve been trying to follow Autumn’s advice to try e’en if I’m guaranteed to fail, just in case there’s a 0.01% chance or something, cause there’s nothing better to do, anyhow. & after trying today, I surprisingly was able to do a li’l practicing & it seemed to go well, tho I probably don’t know whether something goes well or not since I’m the 1 learning & don’t know yet.
Still, I’m super nervous ’bout tomorrow & am having trouble sleeping, which may only make me mess something up e’en mo’ tomorrow cause I’m too tired to think. Still writing this probably is making it worse, so I’ll just stop this entry here.
The 1st thing I did during lunch today was ask Violet if she would like to meet Dawn & Autumn. Then she asked me what made me want to do this & I paused, cause I remembered that Dawn wanted me to have her meet Dawn to make sure that she was good or something & it’d be rude to say that we doubted she was good. But it’d be rude to lie, & I’m not smart nough to think o’ something else to say, so I just tried to say it in the nicest way possible, saying that Dawn was super protective & thought it’d be a good idea to have me move in with Violet, but was super protective & just wanted to make sure herself. To be honest, I was fraid Violet would be unhappy & no longer want me to move in with her, which already made me disappointed before it e’en happened, but she was actually happy & said Dawn sounded like a very nice friend.
It was very weird, but also very exciting, but also scary, having Violet follow me to my usual bus stop & follow me back to Dawn’s house. Surprisingly, Violet sounded like she was nervous, too, on the walk to the bus, tho I missed what she said, since I couldn’t flip thru my dictionary while walking.
’Twas a good thing I got plenty o’ practice finding my way home from the bus stop so I could do it without thinking now, cause I was so distracted by worry that I probably would’ve went somewhere wrong if not.
When I opened Dawn’s front door, Dawn & Autumn were sitting on the couch right there, as Dawn usually was, with Dawn holding a controller to 1 o’ her cool games & Autumn with a laptop in front o’ her with her usual serious work. But right as I came in, Dawn leapt to her feet & ran up to us & shook Violet’s hand & introduced her to Autumn, who stayed on the couch & just looked up @ Violet & raised a hand & said “Hello” & Edgar, who was in the kitchen cooking something that smelled super good.
Then we sat down & Dawn talked ’bout what she did & asked Violet what she did. It was @ this point that I noticed that Violet wasn’t talking much & hesitated to talk here, but finally talked ’bout her work making social media posts. Dawn looked like she was just as exciting & interested in it as I was.
I’m sorry if I’m describing too much as if this is a fantasy story, whoe’er is unlucky nough to read this. 1 o’ the great things ’bout writing down these entries is it lets me keep nice memories like these.
It reminds me o’ how I o’erheard Dawn talking ’bout how weirdly,
well, happy I was today, & Autumn said ’twas cause I was very, well, unhappy for a long time, so now feels very happy compared to before , or something. She said something ’bout not being able to have true “ecstasy”, which is being super happy, without deep misery to compare it to, like black ink being only @ its richest black gainst white background, or something. Dawn didn’t agree with this, but I could kinda see what Autumn meant.
But this made me worry ’bout what would happen if I got used to this & become unhappy ’gain. So I snuck out 1 time when Autumn slipped outside in the night, as I notice her do a lot, & asked her ’bout it. After telling me I was asking the wrong person for life advice, which I don’t get, cause she seemed very smart. But I didn’t say any o’ this, cause she continued talking just after, telling me that some “economic law” ( that’s super complex money science ) called “diminishing utility”, which means usefulness or happiness shrinking as time goes on, makes it so that I can’t avoid this cause rare things will always be mo’ valuable, which is why diamonds are really valuable, e’en tho they’re not useful apparently, & she told me that the only thing I can do is enjoy the rare moments o’ true happiness while I have them & spend all the other time trying to buy mo’ o’ those rare moments. I told her I would do just that, & mean it.
Then, for some reason, I chose to ruin it by asking Autumn a question so stupid it seemed almost rude, which is why I aleast made sure to apologize before-hand, despite how I try to not do that anymo’, since it can be annoying when done too much or for too li’l a problem. I asked her why if diamonds are not useful for anything she wanted treasure & stuff. Luckily, she only smiled @ my dumbness ’stead o’ getting mad & just said that she was mistaken before & that diamonds do have 1 use: being collected & that she felt bad for them being stuck being boringly inherited from parent to son & wanted to give them adventures.
That was a lot I wrote tonight & I feel super tired, but I wanted to make sure I write down as much as I can so I don’t forget it. Autumn always says so many smart things to me that I’m always fraid o’ missing something & not being able to follow it & then messing up & ruining all the good things I’ve done.
I asked Autumn what I should do to avoid something like this happening & she told me she would teach me a super deadly secret, which frightened me a bit, but also kinda excited me. She told me all I had to do was “redefine” the bad things I do as not bad. I told her this confused me, so she asked me for an example o’ a time I did something bad. The answer I gave was asking her that dumb question before.
“That’s not bad. ¿See how easy it is?”, she said.
But I froze up with e’en mo’ confusion. I told her she was just saying that to make me feel better.
“¿What other use does being good have?”, she said.
Then she laughed & asked, “¿Do you think I”m a good person?”, & I told her that ’course I did. “You know I’m a criminal, ¿right?”, she replied.
Then I asked her if I could tell her a secret & she said, “Sure. That’s the least I could do for you not turning me into the police”, which I think was s’posed to be sarcasm or something clever like that. I told her that I once stole, obviously not as much or as cleverly as she has before, but that I stole paper from a copy machine in a library so I could do an assignment for school, cause I was fraid they would be very mad @ me for not doing it. I felt bad for telling her this secret, cause Autumn for some reason looked super upset after I said it & I was starting to wonder if Autumn might turn me into the police. But then she became a bit happier, aleast as happy as she normally looks, & said that if I e’er needed paper in the future I could just ask her from now on, which was super nice. Tho I told her I could probably afford to buy paper now myself, which was probably rude to say, but Autumn didn’t seem offended by it, but said that she had lied ’bout what made diamonds truly useful & said that what truly made them useful was that they were valuable & that you could sell them for money that could be used to buy actually useful things. This confused me, but this time I got the sense that ’twas s’posed to be confusing to be clever, like a zen riddle. It made me really have the urge to go look up & read ’bout economics, e’en tho I already have a lot o’ stuff to learn ’bout writing & reading & would probably ne’er come close to understanding any o’ it. I would give anything to be smart like Autumn & Violet. I can only imagine how fun it must be to be able to read so many things & actually understand them & to be able to say super smart things.
Well, I wrote too much, so I’d better stop her & get to sleep.
To be honest, I was kinda fraid to talk to Violet this lunch, since I wasn’t sure if she wasn’t secretly offended all this time ’bout making her meet Dawn & them, e’en tho she seemed to like them. Howe’er, right as I came in she seemed happy & asked me if my weekend was “felicitous”, which means happy or nice ( I’m super happy that a word close to my name means something like that, e’en if it technically isn’t my real name ). Since she seemed so happy still, I asked her if she still wanted me to move in with her. Surprisingly, she said she would be “privileged”, which means “lucky”, to have me “indulge”, I think that means “use”, the “hospitality”, I think that means “coziness” or something close, o’ her “humble abode”, which is a smart way o’ saying “home”. It’s a good thing I had so many words to look up, cause I wasn’t sure how to respond to such a nice thing to give to me. Luckily, Violet soon moved on to talking ’bout what a great time she had last Friday & how nice my friends were & how we should invite them o’er for “equitable recompensation”, which I think means “fair repayment”. I nodded cause this sounded like a super smart idea.
When I returned home, I told Dawn ’bout it. But for some reason I couldn’t say it was as much “ecstasy” as I felt, cause for some reason I started to wonder if maybe Dawn would feel let down by me leaving, e’en tho it’d surely save them food & water. I guess I wouldn’t be able to bring home groceries for them anymo’, tho I could maybe figure out a way to still do so. But it didn’t matter, cause Dawn certainly had plenty o’ “ecstasy” ’bout it & e’en hugged me & said I was getting popular so fast, which confused me, since I haven’t done anything ’cept look up words in a dictionary in front o’ someone.
Today was too busy for reading & drawing. This was the day I packed my stuff, which luckily wasn’t much, & 1st moved into Violet’s house, which was super nice looking. It was much cleaner than Dawn’s, which had lots o’ cool doodads to look @. But Violet’s place looked nice in its cleanliness, too. Dawn, who came with to help us, noticed, too, as she said, “Look, Felix, you’ll finally have space to draw without all my crap taking up 90% o’ the space”, which confused me, since her doodads ne’er got in the way o’ my drawing. In fact, now I kinda wished I’d drawn some o’ her doodads when I had the chance. O well, Dawn said I can come visit anytime I want, so maybe I’ll draw them sometime then.
Then Violet showed me my bed, which amazed me, since I brought the sleeping bag I used to sleep @ Dawn’s expecting to use it. It made me feel kinda bad that Violet went to so much trouble when she didn’t have to. I think this was the 1st night I’ve e’er slept on a real bed, actually, & it’s a super nifty 1 that’s very simple. It doesn’t have those wooden bars on the corners that you might bonk your head on & it isn’t high off the ground, but is just a white box right bove the soft carpet. But it’s super soft, the softest thing I’ve e’er slept on. It looked just like Violet’s bed, but with many small lavendar flowers stead o’ plain baby blue, like hers had. Honestly, I thought it looked better & asked Violet if she wanted it stead, but she said she was fine with hers.
To be honest, after Dawn left, I started to worry that I might mess something up & make Violet not want me to be here anymo’, since this is the 1st time we’ve been near each other for so long. Actually, I still feel that a bit, tho thankfully I keep forgetting to feel that. Hopefully, I’ll forget to feel it completely & it’ll go ’way. This is the 1st time I’ve seen her not in her gray & light blue business suit, like she always wears to work & on the bottle ship ride, but in a long gray nightshirt, & without her hair up in a bun.
Just now Violet told me how impressed she was that I’m still studying “vocabulary”, which are all the words you know. I told her I’m actually writing in my diary, cause Dawn told me it’d be a good idea, tho I don’t remember why now. Looking back @ the 1st page ( I hope it’s not bad to read ol’ diary entries, specially so soon ), it’s to make me feel better & help me “express” myself, which is to say things in ways that people can actually understand. Well, the 1st thing did happen & Violet hasn’t complained that she can’t understand what I’m saying yet, so Dawn was probably right, which isn’t surprising.
I didn’t tell Violet any o’ this, tho, cause I felt too embarassed to. Luckily, she didn’t ask me why & just returned to reading & writing in her book. When she’s not busy, I should ask her ’bout that. Maybe if I buy some books with the money I make @ work I’ll be able to write in them.
I’m going to admit, I’m somewhat worried ’bout Violet reading anything in this, but she’s probably too nice to do that.
I’d better finish in case Violet needs to go to sleep & turn the lights out. I’m surprised by how excited I am for tomorrow & the next day & so on & that I’m not mo’ worried. I do hope it all goes well, tho.