J. J. W. Mezun ☆ Season 1 ☆ 2014 June 20

Super Nutritious Tomato-Noodle Soup

For eons the most famous chefs in the world had labored to create the perfect soup: one that contained every nutrient one needs, as well as being kosher, halal, & vegan.

The one downside is that it tastes like a rusty faucet.

Value: 250 Pts.

Encyclopedia o’ Infinite Knowledge

The book that is said to hold all knowledge in the world, & have the answers to every philosophical question ever crafted.

Unfortunately, this book is in an ancient language nobody remembers anymore.

Value: 300,000 Pts.

Blissful Robe

Wearing this robe painstakingly knit for years with all o’ its creator’s love will fill one with a warmth no blizzard can break through.

’Course, it looks dumb, with its big pink heart ’cross the front; but those are the sacrifices one makes for comfort.

Value: 400 Pts.

Euler’s Sexy Formula

Women will drench their trousers & men will harden harder than a golem @ the mere glimpse o’ this magnificent arrangement o’ letters, numbers, & symbols.

Beware: this has the potential to divert one’s attention for eternity worse than the worst sirens.

Value: 75,000 Pts.

BS-Ray Glasses

With these glasses one will be able to see through all o’ the bullshit o’ whoever the wearer looks @.

Immensely useful for watching presidential debates.

Value: 1,200,000 Pts.

Homemade Jacket o’ Unlimited Pockets

Scientists have already found 2,356 pockets in this fetching jacket stitched together from over a million patches.

Never worry ’bout running out o’ room to store all o’ your phones, wallets, writing utensils, & frog wizard lawn ornaments. Do worry ’bout forgetting which o’ these many pockets you stored them in, though.

Value: 2,560 Pts.

Bow Tie o’ Perfect Charm

Anyone who wears this tie will gain an instant five points to one’s charm & increase the chances o’ someone believing what he says by a’least 50%!

Value 7,280 Pts.